my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
