The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
