your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
