the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
