On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
