I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
