i would punch a child for taco bell
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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