Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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