I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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