3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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