i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
