i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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