so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
