Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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