i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
