she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
