sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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