If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize