Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
