this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize