The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
