we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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