It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
