And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
