My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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