Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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