Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
