u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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