I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
