i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
