I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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