She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found puke in my bra..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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