Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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