what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All the doctor said was why
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
