I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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