Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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