good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize