I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The power of my boobs compel you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
