I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
