So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
