grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize