she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I could fuck to npr.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
