Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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