there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
