The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
