why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
