another moral hangover. fuck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
farters have to be the big spoon...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He shit in the fireplace
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
