the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
