i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
