What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
