Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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