I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
