I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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