I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
