so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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