i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
