I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
