Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
