i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
