When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize