i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
