I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
