Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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