I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
