Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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