probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
