Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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