She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
