you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
