Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
