i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
