so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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